iLikeBlue

Gay Sitcom

Originally posted Friday, September 01, 2006

I still live with my parents. My mom and I are very close, sorta like the Gilmore Girls, if the Gilmore Girls were a lot less rich and attractive. Also our relatives aren’t wealthy and our town is full of stupid rednecks instead of wacky eccentrics.

Anyway, my mom and I have a lot of hilarious adventures because she is always doing crazy things. I think she is experiencing the early stages of dementia. The early stages are the most funny because everyone is still in denial and able to laugh off the fact that in a few years my mom is going to be sitting in a diaper eating Jell-O from a straw. But for now its just one laugh after another!

Occasionally we go get pedicures together. Normally this is fun and sometimes I can trick her into paying for me (dementia can be very lucrative). The guy who owns the place is very nice. At this point, I want to note that it is extremely obvious that he is a homosexual.

The last time we were leaving, I was asking the owner about his second job as an international flight attendant. Mom didnt know he also had this job so she was all impressed because he is a hard worker (and probably rich). She begins to try to set me up with him, despite the fact that he is gay.

Mom: Wow, you are a hard worker! What a great quality in a man these days! Are you single?
Guy: Of course I’m single! I wouldn’t have any time for a relationship because I am always working. I would end up divorced!
Mom: My daughter here is also a hard worker! And she’s single! What a great catch! (waggles eyebrows)
Me: (embarrassed grimace)

(later in the car)

Me: Mom, hes GAY, thats why he’d get divorced!
Mom: Oh yeah! I KNEW that! Tee hee!
Me: (sighs)

Sitcom Idea!

This leads me to an idea for a sitcom. It would have a catchy name, but I forgot my idea (dementia is genetic). The idea is simple. Arranged marriage: straight woman, gay man. It would be like Three’s Company except with one less girl and the couple would always be trying to convince people that they were a legitimate pair.

“Oh sure I really do love Frank! See?” (awkward kiss, where they miss and end up getting tongued in the ear)

They would try to get married, and go through awkwardlarious (that’s awkward + hilarious, look it up) situations like the pre-marriage license blood test (gayness is detectable with a blood test, right?) so the guy will have to buy clean blood off the internet and try to swap the sample.

There will be an episode where they want to go on one of those free vacations with a timeshare company. The catch is that only married couples can go! Can they pull of their scam, or will they be forced to pay full retail value ($1,000!) for their weekend at Disneyworld?

Another episode will revolve around the fact that the guy’s mom really wants grandkids. Will he be able to impregnate his wife - a woman? Can he pull of a switch-a-roo involving a straight guy he mistakenly picks up in a bar? Tune in to see! (David Crosby guest stars)