iLikeBlue

I Hate the Homeless

Originally posted Wednesday, July 26, 2006

You read that right; I hate the homeless. I haven’t always been up front with myself about my feelings. For a long time I was in denial. I was confused about my emotions. I thought I was feeling pity for those without residences of their own, acting in a generally “WWJD” sort of way in both thought and action towards my fellow man.

Boy was I ever wrong. Turns out I hate those jerks! Keep reading to find out why…
Laziness
Occasionally there will be a homeless guy standing at the end of the exit ramp from I-95 on my way home from work. Normally I will stop and give the guy (different guy each time, as far as I know) a few bucks, or some food if I have any laying around my car (I usually do, because I am fat). Most times I don’t give money to homeless people if I am walking by, because I find those homeless people to be scary, aggressive, and sometimes smelly or mean. I like the guys on the side of the road for two reasons:

• They are smart- It’s a great location and even if they are scamming me and are really not homeless at all, at least I can support their business plan. Besides, they seem a lot more honest than those creepy people with fund raising buckets that are always on the road by the mall. Volunteer Fire Department, my ass!
• They are less threatening- Usually they have a sign saying something about being willing to do work for food or money. This shows that they are hardworking, or at least have enough scruples to lie about being hardworking. Also I like the fact that they usually say something like, “God bless you.” God is something I can get behind, and I feel like my money is really going the extra mile towards buying my way to heaven. Additionally, if they try to kill me or smell too bad then I can just run them over and drive off safely.

Annoying
My office is going to New Orleans as a service project to help the Hurricane Katrina victims. I stupidly volunteered to co-ordinate this because no one else volunteered and I was trying to be a team player. We will probably end up going down and hooking up with Habitat for Humanity to help build houses for poor/homeless people.

The thing is, this project has very quickly turned very annoying. No one wants to go to New Orleans because they are afraid of being shot. One person doesn’t want to get a Tetnus shot, another co-worker can’t be in any even slightly allergy-triggering situation (which pretty much rules out being anywhere in a city full of old stuff and toxic black mold). Almost no one wants to go and stay in the volunteer dorms, share a room, sleep on a cot, or use communal bathrooms. What they all do want to do is eat at fancy restaurants, go on a pub crawl, and visit the casino. Basically, we are all whining about having to sleep in a cot in a city where people lost everything the owned and got shot at while trying to evacuate and save their lives. Har har, right out of a Dilbert comic!

Jealousy
Boo hoo, I’m homeless! I don’t have a house! I’m poor and have to eat garbage!

I didnt forget to add quotation marks, that was me talking. All those things apply to me. I live with my parents, even though I am getting embarrassingly older by the second. I couldn’t afford to buy a house even if it was in a trailer park in the middle of Poop Hill. And if you don’t believe me about eating garbage, then what exactly do you call Subway sandwiches?