iLikeBlue

Office Characters

Originally posted Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The following are some ideas for office characters, suitable for a television show about an office or a novel about an office or any other situation featuring office workers in an office environment. A good name for this show would be “The Workplace.”

• Woman who misjudges the size of trash cans- If you show her a waste receptical you can bet she’s got an item to stuff it with! (Wow that sounds dirty) She’ll shove her coffee cup into the tiny restroom trash slot, leaving paper towels to fall out onto the floor for the rest of the day. You might have thought the kitchen trash can was decent size, but just let her at it and that can will be chock full of uncrushed pizza boxes in no time flat. It’s not that you think she should recycle, you just wish she’d leave some space in the landfill for the rest of us to toss our refuse.
• Personal phone call man- This man sits close to you; or maybe it only seems that way because he speaks so loudly that you’d swear he was using a tin can and a string to communicate with his friends and loved ones. I’m using the term “loved ones” loosely too since he always seems to be yelling and berating them over the stupidest things. You try putting in your earbuds and listening to your iPod… until he starts getting to the really juicy personal parts of the call, at which point you discreetly turn down the volume so you can eavesdrop without guilt. And forget about multitasking! When this guy is on the phone, even if he’s on hold with the electric company, he certainly isn’t doing any work. In fact he’s most likely turned competely away from his workstation.
• Count down lady- Every day is as exciting as New Year’s Eve when you’ve got her as a co-worker. This gal counts down the minutes until quitting time. And when we say minutes we definately mean plural. She spends at least 15 minutes each day arranging her desk and doing a very poor job of looking busy in preparation to leave as soon as posssible. Since she’s a lot lazier than she is creative, her ideas for faking work are soon exhausted and she spends at least 5 minutes sitting with her hands crossed on top of her desk, staring intently at the clock on the wall.
• Fake diet girl- She’s on a diet and everyone knows it. Everyone that is, except HER! This girl will always yell at people who try to be nice and bring in fresh-baked treats or refil their personal candy dishes. “I’m on a diet! Why are you doing this to me!” She will scream… followed seconds later by her gobbling of an ungodly amount of calories as your poor treat jar is raped mercilously within an inch of its life.
• Smoker guy- At first you think this guy is an idiot. Everyone knows by now that smoking kills and is “not cool.” So what’s wrong with this guy? Super-intelligence maybe! He gets a virtual “get out of jail free” card - whenever he wants. While you are slaving away without so much as a bathroom break, Mr Smoker Man is outside feeling the sun on his face while he flirts with the sexy secretary from the first floor. And he gets to do this several times a day. If people start to get pissed off he can just go for the sympathy points by declaring that he is “trying to quit.” Aw poor Mr Smoker Man, he’s got a serious handicap — addiction. Let’s all bake him some cookies!